Thursday, February 24, 2005

"After this confusion is put aside..."

It seems I finally got my wish to live somewhere that doesn't have 360 days of sun. As many of you know, California has been stoned and dethroned by an onslaught of rain, snow, mud and rock slides, house slides, road slides, everything seems to be sliding. So much precipitation has fallen that to date it is the fourth highest since they began setting out rain gauges.

And as disconnected as this may sound, with all the chaos and calamity going on outside our window, the rain was quite comforting. To live in a place where rain usually lasts a day and then back to sun and temps in the 80's, it was consoling to know the rain would still be there when i woke up, when i drove to work and then to school, and when i returned home to my loved ones.

Update: More rain forecast for most of next week!

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Friday, February 18, 2005

Matriarchy Begins at Home

I'm in favor of returning to a Matriarchal society. Give women back all the power and let them rule as they will. Let them nurture and care and govern. Let them quench wars, anger, and strife. Let them feed and suckle the hungry and cold. Let them heal schism, division and our splintered state. Let them guard the bed of the sleepless, with the lullabies and sonnets of warmth and tenderness. Yes, my friends matriarchy starts at home and I'm a convinced proselyte.

"Her love like a daisy chain, each one woven with a kiss"

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Thursday, February 17, 2005


"I think honesty is the main element of deification...to be true...it's hard not to lie."

Father Thomas Hopko

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Monday, February 07, 2005

Take me to the shadowlands....

Sara and I watched the film Shadowlands the other night, the first time for me. Having read A Grief Observed I was feeling a bit apprehensive knowing Hollywood’s ability to completely devastate something beautiful. Anyway, it turned out to be a rather touching film. My only issue was Joy and Jack's peculiarities and quirks seemed to be overdone for dramatics.

What stood out to me as I sat on the couch with my beautiful wife, pregnant with our next child, with our young son sleeping in the next room, was the idea that to choose to love is at the same time to choose to lose. I guess that's an age old thing grappled with in every culture and time, but for me it is finally very close to home, and very real.

I do not think this would have been so intense had I not had such an upclose view of Devron's death. A common cold turned to pneumonia caused by a blockage in the lungs. The blockage turned out to be cancer. They gave him at best a couple years to live. I saw him almost every week during that period, not only him but his family all bracing for the inevitable. There were moments toward the end that were so terrible I could hardly bare it. Eventually, the call came early one Sunday morning, Devron had left us. Within a nine month period the cancer spread rapidly throughout his body and took his life.

I've seen death more than I had planned on at this place in my life. I thank God though for the brevity and sobriety He has graciously brought before me. I'm so forgetful, I lose focus easily, and my grip on reality is often loose at best.

Lord have mercy, Lord have mercy, Lord have mercy.

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Thursday, February 03, 2005

Sleeping or Waking

It's true, waking up is hard to do. Some people have the discipline or nocturnal aversion to rise early and greet the sun daily with ease. As for the rest of us we are fond of our precious sleep, we guard and cherish it above many things. Specifically, we love over sleeping. Some of us partake with a secret shame for this indulgence, while others openly share their deep love of sleeping in regularly with no regret for the day lost. I used to be an extreme case myself and still have a long way to go in order to come to some sort of satisfactory resolve.

While talking with a friend this morning about this topic I asked him, "Okay, so I’m trying to establish if there is any activity (passive or active) that you would rather be doing besides sleeping in....what excites and motivates you to the degree that you would jump happily from bed (figuratively speaking)?" There was nothing he could call to mind that was worthy of rising for prior to 11 am.

Anyone who has spent a few days at a monastery and kept the hours with them knows the intensely warm beauty of those early morning prayers. So, I want to talk about sleep in general, and if we get to it, should we view the days beginning as significant enough to call us early from our bed and sleep as it calls our brothers and sisters each morning? I really don't mean to load that question, but really want to know how others might view this topic.

Perhaps I'll share more of my extensive background with sleep wars in the comment box.

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