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Wednesday, July 23, 2003

How the Munkee Got its Name

When I was a boy I often suffered from what some would call an overactive imagination. This imagination led me to envision myself in “great” roles I had seen in the world around me. I was the ride operator at Disney Land, pushing other kids around in a box on a skateboard. I was Ponch from “CHIPS” as I launched my BMX off the ramp made of bricks and plywood. I was a scientist as I experimented with the most basic of chemistry (a.k.a. dirt and urine in a mason jar). When I was 8 years old, I bought my first pair of “Camo” pants. I walked down the street with my chin in and chest out thinking, “I wonder if people think I’m in the Army?” I don’t know who I thought I was when I jumped off of the roof with two parachutes I mean umbrellas in my hands.


Today, I see the same problem still manifesting itself, but when “grown-ups” suffer from this problem we use a different term: delusions of grandeur. More recent examples include smoking a pipe my senior year of high school and imagining how sophisticated and “Lewisian” I must look. I still smoke a pipe from time to time, but do so now knowing just how silly and clumsy I probably do look, and you know I enjoy that tobacco times more having stripped away the false pretense.

When I came to Holy Orthodoxy, I learned about concepts such as hesychasm and the means to pursue it, once again the curse of my imagination overtook me. I began to imagine myself as a humble, patient, and vigilant monastic, emanating uncreated light with ease. A term I once read in a Greek Orthodox book was “Violent Monk”. That is, a monk who was truly waging great and intense spiritual battle. “Wow,” I thought to myself, “Maybe, I could hope to one day attain such spiritual depth.” Well, as I realized just how silly I was for imagining myself thusly, it struck me what the name of this blog should be. Where I’m at now as a new Orthodox convert I definitely have more in common with a monkey than I do with a monk.

In light of the aforementioned, I hope the title will serve as a reminder to myself and keep me grounded and coherent in the sharing of experiences here. I’m no monk and hardly any semblance of ascetic rests in my bones. But I’m on the road journeying with many great people who hopefully will have enough pity on me to at least drag me along by the arm. I guess this blog is really about seeing ourselves as we truly are, and not losing sight of what we may one day become.


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