Wednesday, August 13, 2003
Warm summer nights and beatings from St. John.
As many of you know and some do not, almost every Sunday evening for the past 2.8 years a group of guys gathers at one of the our homes to read and discuss some spiritually oriented text. Initially, the group was entirely Anglican, but in the last year the groups demographic has changed a bit. Four of us became Orthodox; two remain Anglican; we added an Evangelical, another Orthodox and a fellow from the Disciples of Christ. The mix of guys makes for good, solid, intimate interaction.
We are currently working our way through The Ladder of Divine Ascent, by St. John Climacus. This last Sunday night we read steps 9 (Malice) and 10 (Slander). It’s a good thing we’re reading this as a group because I couldn’t get through it alone! It is such potent medicine that I feel the need for someone to hold my hand through it. St. John’s defining of malice or remembrance of wrongs is cutting:
Remembrance of wrongs comes as the final point of anger. It is a keeper of sins. It hates a just way of life. It is the ruin of virtues, the poison of the soul, a worm in the mind. It is the shame of prayer, a cutting off of supplication, a turning away from love, a nail piercing the soul. It is a pleasureless feeling cherished in the sweetness of bitterness. It is a never-ending sin, an unsleeping wrong, rancor by the hour. A dark and loathsome passion, it comes to be but has no offspring, so that one need not say too much about it.
I must be honest and say it was terrifying to read this chapter, for it cut very deep and exposed a black infection. Yet, the feeling of exposing and cleaning out such vileness was almost sweet. I think it was sweet for the simple fact that I have been working through this with my father confessor. Had I not already confessed this malice, it is possible that this reading would have passed without me giving any heed, save that I would see its application for others.
As a Protestant I witnessed my soul drifting toward complacency of this nature. I was able to give up most of my “blue collar” sin, but the deeper less obvious things such as malice and slander I had written off to a cure somewhere in eternity. I had written many Christian virtues off to eternity mostly because I had been given no example except Jesus. He obviously is a very good example, but He is God. When I was exposed to the saints throughout the ages (i.e. St. John), not just Bible stories but people who have lived in the last century or who are among us NOW, I found something to strive for. A witness that salvation is transformation.
More to come…
As many of you know and some do not, almost every Sunday evening for the past 2.8 years a group of guys gathers at one of the our homes to read and discuss some spiritually oriented text. Initially, the group was entirely Anglican, but in the last year the groups demographic has changed a bit. Four of us became Orthodox; two remain Anglican; we added an Evangelical, another Orthodox and a fellow from the Disciples of Christ. The mix of guys makes for good, solid, intimate interaction.
We are currently working our way through The Ladder of Divine Ascent, by St. John Climacus. This last Sunday night we read steps 9 (Malice) and 10 (Slander). It’s a good thing we’re reading this as a group because I couldn’t get through it alone! It is such potent medicine that I feel the need for someone to hold my hand through it. St. John’s defining of malice or remembrance of wrongs is cutting:
Remembrance of wrongs comes as the final point of anger. It is a keeper of sins. It hates a just way of life. It is the ruin of virtues, the poison of the soul, a worm in the mind. It is the shame of prayer, a cutting off of supplication, a turning away from love, a nail piercing the soul. It is a pleasureless feeling cherished in the sweetness of bitterness. It is a never-ending sin, an unsleeping wrong, rancor by the hour. A dark and loathsome passion, it comes to be but has no offspring, so that one need not say too much about it.
I must be honest and say it was terrifying to read this chapter, for it cut very deep and exposed a black infection. Yet, the feeling of exposing and cleaning out such vileness was almost sweet. I think it was sweet for the simple fact that I have been working through this with my father confessor. Had I not already confessed this malice, it is possible that this reading would have passed without me giving any heed, save that I would see its application for others.
As a Protestant I witnessed my soul drifting toward complacency of this nature. I was able to give up most of my “blue collar” sin, but the deeper less obvious things such as malice and slander I had written off to a cure somewhere in eternity. I had written many Christian virtues off to eternity mostly because I had been given no example except Jesus. He obviously is a very good example, but He is God. When I was exposed to the saints throughout the ages (i.e. St. John), not just Bible stories but people who have lived in the last century or who are among us NOW, I found something to strive for. A witness that salvation is transformation.
More to come…
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