Wednesday, May 26, 2004
I Dreamed of Brewing; I Dreamed of Praying
Last night as I lay in bed half awake, my mind spinning like the chewing, grinding blades on a pencil sharpener in an elementary school, I daze dreamed of doing many things I had been meaning to do for the past few weeks. I relished the wild idea of getting up and brewing up a batch of beer. Nevermind that it was 2am, nothing could stop this burning motivation! Except for the tired state of my bones, which led me to my next fantasy. "I'll get up and pray!" I was going to go all out, candles, incense, and i would even say the long prayers and the Creed! Alas, my dizzy tired state won out and led me to other thoughts and dreams. "What toasts will I say at Ben's bachelor party?" "That scotch at Peter's sure was tastey."
Finally, I came to the realization that my thoughts were showing no sign of slowing, no matter how tired I felt, no rest would be granted without appeasing my active mind with some activity. So, I scraped myself out of bed and stumbled through the darkness guided by the solitary light from our lampada. It drew me to the icons and i stopped and lit a massive beeswax taper from St. John's Monastery. I thought of the gentle and humorous Fr. Nicholas, as I stood in the warm glow of the candles sweet light. I crossed myself and just stared at the icons. The prayer books beamed at me, but not convincingly. I continued my staring contest with Christ and the saints. My prayers were wordless emotions and feelings of thankfulness for the Church and sorrow for my lack of devotion. Eventually, the icons won and I walked away with renewed peace.
Last night as I lay in bed half awake, my mind spinning like the chewing, grinding blades on a pencil sharpener in an elementary school, I daze dreamed of doing many things I had been meaning to do for the past few weeks. I relished the wild idea of getting up and brewing up a batch of beer. Nevermind that it was 2am, nothing could stop this burning motivation! Except for the tired state of my bones, which led me to my next fantasy. "I'll get up and pray!" I was going to go all out, candles, incense, and i would even say the long prayers and the Creed! Alas, my dizzy tired state won out and led me to other thoughts and dreams. "What toasts will I say at Ben's bachelor party?" "That scotch at Peter's sure was tastey."
Finally, I came to the realization that my thoughts were showing no sign of slowing, no matter how tired I felt, no rest would be granted without appeasing my active mind with some activity. So, I scraped myself out of bed and stumbled through the darkness guided by the solitary light from our lampada. It drew me to the icons and i stopped and lit a massive beeswax taper from St. John's Monastery. I thought of the gentle and humorous Fr. Nicholas, as I stood in the warm glow of the candles sweet light. I crossed myself and just stared at the icons. The prayer books beamed at me, but not convincingly. I continued my staring contest with Christ and the saints. My prayers were wordless emotions and feelings of thankfulness for the Church and sorrow for my lack of devotion. Eventually, the icons won and I walked away with renewed peace.
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