Wednesday, September 29, 2004
Blog, blog…blog yer brains out!!!
Really, I’m trying. It has been rather difficult lately for me to explain here in this format my inner spiritual workings as of late; at least I hope they qualify as spiritual. It all began with my Confessor advising me to put down the history book and pick up something spiritual. It must be noted that the history books should not be discounted all together as non or unspiritual or even a-spiritual, Fr. Schmemman’s (of Blessed Memory) book in fact put a deep hunger in me for transformation. And maybe transformation is too strong of a term for what I am getting at, how about simply normal. I mean take the Montanist Heresy for example. Here we have a time in the life of the Church when it was seriously debated as to whether an individual could sin after baptism. Now of course it was declared a heresy, but the mere reality that it was hotly contended for and not simply dismissed puts a lot of weight in the matter and gives the modern individual the impression, heresy or not, sin has always been taken very seriously in the Church.
The first book I picked up was The Illness and Cure of the Soul in the Orthodox Tradition, by Archimandrate Hierotheos a very good book and very appropriate right now. However, when I received Beginning to Pray by Met. Anthony in the mail I quickly changed my mind. It was written for people who have never prayed before and is kind of making me wonder if I’m not in that category. The book is amazing in its directness and simplicity. It is cutting to the core of me and tearing me apart. The book so concise it almost leaves you breathless. He states his point, gives an illustration, and that’s it…kind of a “What are you waiting for, go and do it.”
“…the moment you reach rock bottom, the moment you are aware of your utter dispossession of all things, then you are on the fringe of the kingdom of God, you are nearly aware that God is love and that He is upholding you by His love.”
So, now I am on my quest of loosing my hands from all in there tight grip and lifting them heavenward. Lord have mercy!
Pray for me a sinner.
